Geeze! I have been working my booty away at my full time job (sometimes 12 hours a day), I leave there and go coach gymnastics, and then go home. If I’m lucky- I’m only awake for a few hours (usually doing paperwork for gymnastics) before I go to bed. My workouts have gone from 5x a week to 2. I hate it. But, that’s fine. 

So, I haven’t lost much weight in the past month or so. But, definitely have lost inches. I hit my lowest weight of all time last week at 135 pounds, but after my weekend (definitely where I struggle the most) I am starting this week out at a 137 pounds. That’s fine to me. The past few weeks I’ve been starting them at a 140. I suppose you can say I have been “maintaining”. About a month or so ago, I comfortably got into my size 3 jeans; my goal jeans. I even went out and bought a few more when all of my size 5’s were falling off of me. On Friday, I noticed that even my three’s were getting a little big, and so I went yesterday to go see if I could find any other ones that I liked. To my surprise; I did. In the clearance rack. They were a size one, but truthfully looked like they would fit. Never in my life have I seen a pair of jeans hanging on a rack, and been like “oh, I like those! let’s try them on!” I usually have to shuffle to the back of the rack, and find the largest size they had. Even then, it would be luck if they fit sometimes. ESPECIALLY without having do the ultimate lunge and squat maneuver to get into them. To my surprise when I went into the fitting room (with them, some others, and some “small” shirts) they fit. With ease. I bought them. :) 

I was asked the other day how my life is different than it was a year ago. I laughed. I can’t even put into words the way my life has changed.

      It’s like, I’ve blacked out the past year. I can’t look back and say what I was even doing a year ago; or where I was. I’m usually stellar with dates, and knowing what was happening when. I could probably tell you what I was doing 5 years or so ago around this time, but last year— it’s erased from my memory. 
     I can tell you this though; I’m happy. Am I happy because I’m thin(ner)…it’s still hard for me to say thin. Let’s go with thinner. Of course. Is that the wrong reason to be happy? Some may think so. I’m also happy because I had dream for myself, I had a desire. One I had set out on SO many times in the past, and failed. There was something different in it this time, and I did it. So, of course I’m happy. 
     I’m also in love. I thought I knew what love was, but I had NO idea. Did I fall in love because I’m thin(ner). Maybe. It’s hard to admit that you’re not attractive because you’re heavy; and I’ve had friends tell me I was always beautiful, even when I was 197 pounds. Those friends knew me though, they knew what was in my heart, and the matter of fact point is- men won’t give you the time of day to get to know you when you’re heavy. If they do, you have a real man. But, in San Diego, where the women are beautiful and small, they don’t look twice at you. Now, I’m head over heels with someone who loves me unconditionally. He met me when I was 30+ pounds heavier than I am now, and he looks at me the same now as he did then. He’s loved me though every sore muscle, every drop of sweat, every time I didn’t think I can do it, and he’s proud of me. It’s all the support I need.
     I’m confident. I’ve never been confident. I looked at myself in the mirror, naked, the other day, and LOVED the person staring back at me. I still have my problem areas, I have peeves that I don’t like- my boobs are small, and I have some lose skin here and there, but I have a confidence I’ve never had before. The person staring back at me- reaches for the moon, and doesn’t stray when she feels lost. The person staring back at me, feels like she can do ANYTHING. It’s not everyday peopel go from 197 pounds to 135 in five months. The person staring back at me is successful, and happy. I’m not dependent on alcohol, or drugs to put me into a state of oblivion. My work-outs give me a high like nothing I’ve ever tried. I’m okay with that. The person staring back at me has a future.  I can do things I never thought I’d be able to do. I dream of getting married- and looking beautiful in a wedding dress. Not trying to find one that covers up the areas I was the most self conscious in. The person staring back at me has  goals that include my health, and fitness. The person staring back at me, inspires others. I’ve never inspired anyone. Maybe I inspired them to not be an alcoholic- to not be heavy. I inspire people to be the best that they can be. If I can do it, anyone can do it. It’s so true.

So, what’s next for me? I’m obviously not losing pounds like I was. That’s fine. I only want to lose 5 (or 7 as of this morning) more. Cody (my trainer) has agreed to pay for my HKC certification in May. It’s time to shred body fat, build more muscle and be strong so I can pass my certification. It’s time to live a life that is focused on me; and making myself even better. 

Until next time (and I hope it won’t be long..)
-KB